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How to Have a ExtraMarital Affair

Extramarital affairs are toxic to relationships. Yet, according to statistics, 50% of married women, and 60% of married men will have an affair at some point. Seems like the numbers are even higher in celebrity marriages: Jesse James, Tony Parker, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, even Prince Charles.

What is it that makes us leave the sanctity of our marriages and seek someone different? Two things:

We get bored in our relationships and we seek excitement and passion once again. The honeymoon stage of relationships last six to eighteen months and then romance starts to wane due to a change in hormones and brain chemistry. We long for those feelings and often erroneously assume that we won’t get them back with our current partners. So, we look for someone else. Or,

We feel neglected in our marriage and long for the attention we believe we deserve, and sometimes are trying to gain some sort of control.

If you think of relationships in terms of financial investments, then an extramarital affair offers and immediate return, but also guarantees a drop in your overall long-term portfolio. Affairs take effort and time and do nothing for your relationship.

The thing is if your affair lasts long enough, you will find that it too, will fall into the post-honeymoon stage, and again you will be looking for passion and excitement as you had before the affair, but this time with a damaged marriage to boot.

What if you have fallen out of love with your spouse and fallen in love with a new person? Doesn’t this warrant an affair? No! First off, read this about falling out of love, and then realize that the excitement of an affair can mask itself as love. In reality, only 3% of affairs end in marriage.

So, the way to make the most of your relationship is to have an affair with your partner. What does that mean? You want excitement, passion, control and attention. If you have an affair that means you are willing to invest time and energy as well as risk to get what you feel you are missing. I say, might as well end up with a relationship portfolio whose value climbs due to all of that effort and time.

It’s tough for many people to wrap their heads around, but start to look at your spouse now and again the way you’d look at someone you might be having an affair with. How would you present yourself to them? What kinds of things would you do with them?

When you have an affair, you put on your best face. You want them to see you at the top of your game. You want to utilize every minute with them. You plan fun and exciting and romantic activities.

The following are five ways to have an affair with your spouse.

Go on Dates
Lots of them. Again, imagine that you are having an affair. What kinds of adventures would you share? Where would you go?
• Mini-vacations
• Dancing
• Hotel
• Concerts
• The Park

Dress the Part
Spouse suspect affairs when guys leave the house wearing cologne and women go out with their hair done and make-up on. Do that! Take a bath, get a haircut, shave your face, put on mascara, perfume behind the ears, wear clean underwear and those new shoes. Dress to impress!

Role Play
Part of the excitement of an affair is that you’re with someone new, like you had been at the beginning of your original relationship. Not knowing the ins and outs of someone can be exciting. And, unraveling who you are can be fun. So, make up a couple of characters and get to know one another again. It doesn’t matter that you are creating new histories for these “people.” It’s all about the mystery and excitement again.

Couples in an affair are very much like couples at the beginning of their relationships, in the honeymoon stage. There’s generally a lot of public displays of affection, hand-holding, laughing together, kisses and flirting at restaurant and on the street. When you flirt, you are showing someone they are attractive through your words and actions.

Make Intimacy Exciting
Most people who are in the midst of affairs are not having ho-hum, hum-drum bedroom encounters. Things are exciting behind closed doors: swinging from chandeliers, blind folds and polar bear costumes. Okay, maybe not exactly, but generally affair sex is dynamic and thrilling. Bring the thrill back to your wedding bed (or somewhere else). Find new locations, new times of the day, new positions, and up the frequency. There’s a lot more you can do. Read books by Tracey Cox for more ideas.

When you first start dating these things were easy. They came natural to us. But, then life changes and so do we. We age, our bodies change, there’s more responsibility at work, we become parents, and the house is a mess.

An extramarital affair gives us a temporary escape, but it damages all that we have built and worked for. Having a marital affair still allows for an escape, yet without damaging what’s precious to us, and it helps us to rediscover what initially made us attracted in the first place.