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Loving Your Best Friend
How to Befriend Your Lover

Ideal foundation for a love relationship? Friendship. I’ve said it time and again: Friends first, lovers second. If you create a friendship that builds and eventually becomes a committed love relationship, you’ve got better odds than the house in Vegas, of the relationship lasting the long haul.

Why is this? Think about love relationships and true friendships. How many times has a disagreement with your partner ended with holding a grudge, bringing up the problem later during another argument, or even splitting the two of you up for good?

Now, how about in a friendship? There’s a disagreement. You put it out on the table. You might get peeved, then you move on. These little things NEVER end a friendship, where they may end a romance. So, by having friendship as your foundation, you and your partner have the ability to switch from the romance to the friendship roles when needed, sustaining your bond and benefiting from the best of both relationships.

In a love relationship there are ebbs and flows, ups and downs. There are times when romance is prevalent and times when it seems to have all but evaporated. The nice feature of the relationship with lovers who are friends is that when the romance is taking a hiatus (which, by the way, is common and perfectly normal at times), friendship is there to keep you close.

If your partner is only your lover, when romance wanes what do you have? Nada. Zippo. Nuttin’. And, that puts a strain on the relationship.

“But, what if we didn’t start out as friends, oh mighty guru? What ever are we to do? Are we doomed to a failed relationship?”

On the contrary, whoever is asking this incredibly pertinent question. You can still build the bonds of friendship, ex post facto. So, you’re in love and romance prevails. Well, now work on the friendship part of your relationship.

How do you do that? Balance! Keep in mind that you don’t need to ALWAYS be lovey-dovey in your relationship. So, if it doesn’t feel natural, don’t force a hug or a hand-hold. Hang out and be buddy-buddy sometimes. Play darts or pool. Go miniature golfing. Hit the nearest amusement park (one of my favorites) and share the thrill rides with your partner. Watch some Thursday night sit-coms or rent a Seth Rogen comedy. Poke a little fun at each other once in awhile (don’t be hurtful, though… remember, balance). And, consider the out-of-the-blue wrestling match now and again. That’s definitely a friendship-builder, but can also connect you physically and sexually.

So, let’s go over this one more time:
1) Friends first.
2) If it’s too late for #1, then… friends second.
3) Balance!

That’s all I’ve got. Good night, folks.