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Easy to Lose… Hard to Gain

Couple AFter ArgumentTrust is like the $100 chips at a poker table when you’re playing against the likes of Annie Duke and Phil Hellmuth. They’re easy to lose and very hard to earn back.

You can have years of a happy, trusting relationship where honesty and faithfulness reign. But, one little indiscretion can ruin all that in an instant: one lie, one sneaky maneuver, one inappropriate text message, one kiss, one night in someone else’s bed.

That one little “mistake” can ruin years of trust. So, your best bet is to avoid the indiscretions. Be honest, open, faithful, truthful and dedicated (sounds like Superman, doesn’t it?).

But, the problem is that some of you who are reading this may have found this report a little too late. You’ve already broken your partner’s trust and now want to know how to get it back.

The way to get that trust back, like those black chips at the poker table, is to play the game correctly and to have A LOT of patience. How do you play the game correctly? You must give your partner no reason to doubt you and every reason to trust you. You cannot put yourself in situations where you may be perceived as be distrustful. But, it’s going to take time to gain that trust again. That’s where the patience comes in.

You have hurt your partner; therefore they need time to heal. And, (here’s the difficult part), everyone heals at a different pace. And, you can’t know how long it will take for your partner to heal.

I’ve worked with lots of people who have broken their partners’ trust, felt guilty about it, and have repented, but have asked me, “How long must I wait? I admitted my mistake. I apologized. I’ve been nothing but dedicated. It’s been six months, and he still doesn’t trust me.”

You must remember; no one is punishing you. You brought this on. If your partner is still with you after you’ve broken their trust, they want this relationship to work out. They want to trust and forgive you, but need more time. All you can do is continue to be trustworthy and patient.

If you become frustrated and fall off the wagon again, you will wind up hurting your partner deeper, opening a wound that hasn’t healed. That either brings you back to square one (if not farther back), or you’ve lost their trust (and maybe their companionship) for good.

Best advice… always be trustworthy with your partner.